Forseen... Unheeded...

Like a premonition, it was in front of me all along… realisation has evaded me once again and the sand continues to fall through my fingers…


I touched the sky filled with rain and heavy cold wind,
and somebody's hand held me,
and I was comfortable for a little bit...
At first I wait, if time goes by again, I will know how to smile.
I erased myself, who wanted things I couldn't get...
Like people say, if this corner is bitter like poison and sweeter than a lover, yes, to me, I wanted you to be my everything...




Living… with eyes wide shut…

Whimsical...

[ cast off those shackles and cut away those ropes ]

Things have happened, and I've realised that living life following every whim of my heart isn't such a bad thing and isn't as crazy as it sounds... well... to me... (other people might still think im crazy but *meh*)

I want to fly to wherever the wind takes me and take off or stay there for as long as I please. There’s no time for waiting anymore, I have to run, I can’t stay here and wait for the world to come to me. I don’t want to, and I can’t get left behind. No, not anymore. I have to see everything with my own eyes and touch it before it crumbles…

With impulse as my reasoning for everything… I wonder if this path that I’m taking will extinguish my own flame, or will it burn everyone around me? Will wanting everything lead me down the road to oblivion? Does that make me selfish? Impulse is the short road to a solution (whether it may be good or bad, right or wrong) but why do I now have so many more questions to ask?

What about responsibility? I’m scared I might get too caught up in my own whirlwind to care enough about the people around me… I want my eyes to become a little wider and to look a little further into the distance… but can I? The bruises all over my legs from walking into things say no… *sigh*
Wanting to soar into the blue vastness and having the ability to navigate through the storm clouds are two different things, but… I’ve grown stronger and I’ve gained a greater insight and understanding. I might not be able to get through them so quickly, I might bear the scars of my battles and sometimes, what I know may not be enough, but I believe I can make it. And besides, even if I don’t, it will be too late for me to realise…
I know, impulse and the absence of rationalisation has been the cause of demise for many… and it might be mine, but ill take my chances and ill be happy in every moment I can.

Even though my questions are plentiful, the one that strikes me most is…
What is life, if you’re only saving it for a rainy day?

awake.

yearning.

my feet have left the ground...

I can't believe im awake even though i slept at 3 O_o" but i fink that's because my dad barges into my room at 9:30 with a piece of paper that says "pick my lil bro up from chinese school at 11:30!!!" (since last last week noone told me and he waited 2 hours and was crying and last week he waited 1 and a half hours since NOONE REMINDED ME since they all expected me to remember... BIG MISTAKE!!! incompetent lil child here!!! *points to self with BOTH HANDS*) and asks me where he should put the paper and i WAS K.Oed at the time but somehow managed to point to my forehead and he put it there, and i fell into the really light but "not really sleeping" sleep so eventualy i rolled out of bed at 10:30 and im still in disbelieve *rubs eyes* *pinches self* yeh im awake dudes!!! *gasps*

Yesterday at work i practically had to look after a section BY MY SELF *dies* I WAS SUPPOSED TO ONLY BE LOOKING AFTER 2 TABLES!!! but the supervisor sent almost everyone working in my section home at 9pm, and 2 tables turned into 15!!! WTH!!! *dies* and i was running around nonstop @_@" screw weightwatchers man!!! join atruim!!! well ill take solace in the fact that by next thursday... SOMEONE is going to be LOADED BABY!!! muAHhAHAH!!! DBSK CHIGEUM KAGO ISSUH!!! X)

I've just realised how short my days are becoming, especially since work takes up half of it! I haven't gotten round to almost ANYTHING and i can't help but feel a little unproductive... *sigh* korean has been on the backburner for a while and i haven't gone grocery shopping for AGES so that means i havent cooked anything for a long time either, not to mention that my car and room are BOTH covered with a layer of dust 1inch thick. Lecture notes are still piled up in the corner of my room and my car's 5000km service is slowly turning into a 8000km service... I know i can stand being around such imcompleteness but... do i really want to? I want to amount to something...

Well that was an easy way to waste half an hour ^^ off to pick up my lil bro from chinese schoolies so ddobozza peoples!!! X)

On the Verge of Bulimia

I've FINALLY gotten round to posting about buffet night at atrium on wenesday night ^^

Started off with me starving myself the WHOLE DAY (yeh u noe, typical azn style huh? kekeke) were i almost died then when we finally got there my friend got our table 3 carrafes of lemon lime bitters for FREE *YAY* kekekke and off to the dessert section i went and i got every single dessert there!!! *acts proud* but the desserts were SO GAY!!! and to make things worse, when i worked the day after (yesterday) THEY WERE SO MUCH BETTER!!! GAYNESS!!! *bangs head on table* After saving all the desserts, went to get all the entree stuff and god i couldnt be stuffed to peel the prawns man @_@" and then shmoogoo, anthony and me all pushed in with lisa and bae yong jun when we went to get mains but everything looked so... unappetising =P Caroline came by then and she got a speeding ticket!!! *GASPS* omg i didnt noe she loved us THAT MUCH kekekke X) and shmoogoo ended up getting like 20 siew mai ahHAHhaha By the time i finished mains i was kinda full so moving on to the desserts brought me THIS CLOSE to bulimia *bleh* ate so much felt like i was going to puke (sowwies if thats too much info dudes kekeke) and i decided... i NEVER wanna go to buffet EVER AGAIN!!! okies... well... i wouldnt say NEVER ^^"

Shuffled off to (A)LURE after and i kinda like it more than MINQ kekkeke maybe cuz its brighter and not so dark and velvety ^^" but they are both really kool!!! Chilled there for a little while then anthony and his sis and her frend left and caroline couldnt come to karaoke since she had work the next day =( so that left mishi, bae yong jun, lisa, shmoogoo and me to get our own party started and we got parking right infront of gelare *YAY* ^^v but i was kinda tired and i stole shmoogoo's corner in the karaoke room muHAhAHhA was a damn good corner too X) MIAHNAE SHMOOGOO X) then we went home at around 1ish XD

Sowwies boring post today guys =P but here are some photos from the buffet ^^

Ugh! yucky dessert man!

Bae Yong Jun and Lisa Lovin' at the table *wink*

Anthony with his gangster pose kekeke ^^

Me and some innocent looking lil kiddy i saw at the buffet and i convinced him to take a photo with me yeh... pedophilia HAhaHha

Me and Caroline Camwhoring

and some more camwhoring

and some MORE cam whoring

Bae Yong Jun was kind enough to drop in from korea from his hectic schedual to dine with us X)

Shmoogooooooo

WHOA!!! talk about TWO TIMING!!!

Mishi wishi why u look so sleepy ah??? ^^

An Eventful Day...

Today turned out like one of those lolliebags you get when you go to a birthday party, all full of random stuff. There's the GOOD stuff the parents buy so they dunt look TOO stingy and the SUPER CHEAP yucky stuff that they buy from red dot or something to try and save money...

Went "shopping" at Garden City with shmoogoo before I had to go to work then on the way home I was driving down jackson avenue and THIS FREEKING CAR JUST FREEKING REVERSES OUT OF ITS FREEKING DRIVEWAY!!! and i beeped LIKE FREEKING TWICE AND THEY DIDNT EVEN FREEKING HEAR ME and i was braking but too late... and BANG!!! FREEKING HELL MAN!!! ARGH!!! SO FREEKING BLIND!!! AND THEN TO MAKE THINGS WORSE, WHEN IT HIT ME, THEY FREEKING REVERSED BACK SOME FREEKING MORE!!! WHAT THE FREEKING HELL MAN!!! and then turned out to be SOME FREEKING DUMBASS INDIAN LADY WITH SOME FREEKING WEIRD HOME PHONE NUMBER so EXCUSEEEEEEE MEEEEEEE for BEING A LITTLE BITCHY WHEN I SAY I WANT UR MOBILE PHONE NUMBER AS WELL!!! and DUNT FREEKING SAY THAT THERE IS NOTHING FREEKING WRONG WITH MY FREEKING CAR which BY THE WAY, UR GONNA FREEKING PAY FOR!!! ARGH!!! FREEKING HELL MAN!!! okies... im soooooooo going to anger management class...

Then i went to work which started at 6pm and when i stepped out of my car the realisation that i WORE THE WRONG SHOES TO WORK HIT ME!!! i was wearing my silver ballerina shoes @_@""" so i changed and went to find the supervisor and he let me go ALLLLLLLL the WAY BACK HOME to change my shoes and wen i got back it was 6:50pm already @_@""" and then it turned out to be FREEKING BUSY LIKE HELL but i didnt mind kekekke made time pass by quickly and FOR ONCE i got to stay back until CLOSING TIME!!! *YAY* so i stayed until 12 and the supervisor said dont worry about when i came late and wrote down i started at 6pm on the timesheet!!! *YAYYY* And during work, some i accidentally stepped on the shoe of one of the guys who worked at atruim and and he smacked my butt!!! @_@"""

So that was the end of my eventful day... and i was going to blog about yesterday's buffet but im too tired so 2molo okies??? X)

Static

Change is something I'm usually not keen on... I like the securtity of knowing that when I look back, everything is in its place. Even though I've become a DBSK fanatic, my fandom still hasn't given me the will to pull down those Nicholas Tse posters I put up so many years ago, and I wouldn't know how to eat dinner at home if i didn't eat with the same type of spoon everynight. Call me crazy but everything has its own place in my room, my life, my heart... Collecting things is easy, and it's letting go that's not so simple. I'm clinging on to all the things I know and have but what will I do when it's time for me to step up and into the real world?

Hmmm... It's amazing how washing my bed sheets turned into such philosophy... It's only that pulling up the sheets messed up all the pillows, JUST when everything shuffled around and found its place. And now that it's bed time, I've begun to feel
s l i g h t l y sentimental... *sniff* well hopefully when i wake up everything would have reshuffled back, and I'm back to my normal self kekkeke...

sand up my pants =P

Yesterday i got to see shmoogoo's DOGGIES!!! XD AwWwWWw!!! SO CUTE!!! like WHITE FLUFF BALLS!!! IM IN LOVE!!! I WANNA TAKE DEM HOME!!! ARGH!!! I WANT A DOG!!! mizu was scared of me *sad face* but atleast zuki liked me XD after patting them i fink i turned into a fluff ball myself O_o" and me and shmoogoo headed off to cottesloe!!! erms... the people driving behind me must've thought i was on drugs or something cuz all they wouldve seen was my hands throwing the fluff out of the sunroof ^^"

Was kinda windy and after casing out the joint, we found somewhere to dump our stuff and shmoogoo went to swim while i was... f r o l i c k i n g (caroline's word) along the shore ^^ but then i ended up getting all wet so frolick turned into swimming, which i havent done since new year's day but the water was actually REALLY NICE!!! even though the wind was cold *YAY* Then shmoogoo went to sunbake since he's so white and all... but i fink the sun would've prolly bleached him anyways so... NOOOOOO BINGOOOOO ^^

When ur at the beach u HAVE to dig a massive hole and cover SOMEONE up so...

UGH!!! so NOT KOOL!!! i SPENT SOOO LONG trying to cover him up and he gets up like he's just woken up from bed *sigh*

My turn!!! kekeke my first time getting buried in sand O_o"


Checking out the scenery, we were confronted with 2 dudes in what appeared to be their underwear and to make matters WORSE, one or the guy's was WHITE *DIES* and the other dude's was red and somehow... those 2 running down the beach together seemed... oh i dunno... SO GAYYYYYY!!! and dunt get me started when those 2 started going swimming!!! *DIES AGAIN*

By then, the cold and wind was starting to take its toll and i was starving since i never at lunch so shmoogoo test drove my car to freo to get fish and chips (which i havent eaten since i was a lil kid) and WHAT?!?!? my car handles OKAY ONLY!??!?! *DIES for the third time* if anyone is looking for me... ill be in the corner with my hands over my ears and rocking back and forth in foetal position pretending i SO DIDNT HEAR THAT!!!
My super HAPPY fish and chips ^______^v

shmoogoo's errr... emo fish and chips...

After we went back to shmoogoo's house and i got to PLAY WITH HIS DOGGIES AGAIN!!! *YAYYYYYYYY* and this time mizu liked me!!!!!!!! *YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY* SO CUTEEEEEEEEE!!! *PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT PAT AWAYYYYYYYYY* then we played big2 and i had the BESTEST CARDS EVER!!! *does victory dance* but then shmoogoo hell kicked me in memory @_@" ahhh wells XD To finish off a long day, o2jammed the night away until i was so tired i could've almost fell asleep on my keyboard and dribbled all over it and electrocuted myself X)

more of a kid than usual ^^

YES!!! my pet miao miao's happiness meter if FINALLY FULL!!! MuAHhAhaH!!! so that means enough people have come to my blog and he has eaten enough food to be FULLY happy!!! *YAY* moving on...

Despite the weather forcast, off i went kite flying with my kite i made in year... 8 or 9 (YEH! i still had it!!! ^^v) and my jae joongie shirt (JAE JOONG LUV IS ENDLESS!!! kekeke) and maybe i should've listened to the weather man *shifty eyes* kekeke well...

Here i am all wet and cold

Poor Kim and her cute lil woof woof met up with me and shmoogoo while it was raining ^^" so she didnt stay for long but MY KITE WAS AWSOME!!!

LOOK!!! LOOK!!!

It was SO HIGH kekkeke and DONT TELL ME U CANT SEE IT!!! U HAVE TO!!! SQUINT DAMMIT SQUINT!!! its that little dot up in the sky X) *hint: its the lil dot between the tree and the blue patch of sky slightly left of centre of the photo!!! SQUINT HARDER DAMMIT!!!

So this was shmoogoo and kent trying to fly his kite

And this was ACTUALLY how high his kite flew

Some how i knew my homemade kite made from satay sticks and plastic bag would be more FAR more superior *insert evil laugh, thunder and lightning here*

Kent's FIRST time flying a kite *GASPS*

So after shmoogoo tangled me up in the kite string for the millionth time while i was STILL ACTUALLY flying the kite(see the string is still tight!), kent went home and i was left with free roam of the ENTIRE PLAYGROUND!!! MUAHhAHA!!! *rubs hands with glee*

First stop, seeing how far we could throw gumnuts into my pond, and once again, my throw was far more superior than shmoogoo's, who threw like a girl *shifty eyes* OKAY!!! THIS time i lied... it was the opposite... *hangs head in shame* and i resorted to throwing gumnuts at the ducks instead =__=" but they didnt even FLY AWAY!!! how... NOT... dramatic... i mean if IIIIIII was a duck and some annoying kid did that to me, i'd stab them!!! WHAT!?!?! dont look at me like dat!!! POLICE CANT ARREST DUCKS!!! see??? u have to use ur logiccc

Next stop, some huge thing that looked like a spider web. So of course you have to sing the spider pig song for added effect, and the top was like a hammock WHOAAA!!! i could sleep there all day! After i went on the swings where my butt was too big to fit in the swing designed for a 3 year old, so naturally when shmoogoo pushed me really high into the air i flew off and landed RIGHT ON MY @$$!!! So i finally learnt my lesson... and then i went on the other swing that was a tyre and i never felt more like a ping pong ball since shmoogoo pushed me and i was boucing off the poles and got spun around until i was super dizzy ahhahha dat was fun ^^v then went on the springy see saw thing where i bounced so much my butt hurt kekkeke and i played in the pirate ship that was full of sand but that was SO BORING!!! But I think my childhood spirit has been rekindled ^^

Then i had to go to work and i was 45 mins LATE @_@" cuz i didnt realise there was the Veronica's concert going on... ARGH had to park at belmont racecourse... SO ANNOYING!!!

i love all things DBSK!!!

I've been checking outside my front door every morning since the beginning of the week... why?!?! WHY!??!?!
....
......
As they say, a picture speaks a thousand words...

MY BELOVED JAE JOONGIE!!!

and...

RISING SUN CONCERT!!!

it came with a special photo thingy thats kinda transparent...

TOOK ITS SWEET TIME GETTING TO MY DOOR!!! FINALLY got it today kekeke so... of course i had to do some last minute cam whoring with the shirt before dashing off to work X)

And the shirt goes so well with my XIAH earrings X)

Now if only i had my yunho necklace... kekekke

Moving on to other things... HAD THE BEST FOOD TODAY at WORK!!! i was STARVINGGG as usual... seeing as i dunt have time to eat dinner before i go to work and i dunt eat at at the cafeteria even tho ITS FREE *sigh* i dont want eat by myself... its just too lonely... but today was just my luck!!! *wink* We got chicken and roast beef and more chicken and lamb curry and ice cream and roast pumpkin and crab (dammit its too hard to eat so i didnt =P) and the left over breadrolls and cheesecake and chocolate cake *drools* man that was SOME FREEKING GOOD CAKE!!! so... caroline... are u HUNGRY yet??? kekekke i must say... i really luv my job X)

I thought today i was handling things better than i had been... turns out... it was just the quiet before the storm... and i was wrong... i didnt handle it at all... i was so so wrong...